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first day, first grade

Processed with VSCO with s2 presetAs of Friday, we finished up our fourth week of school. The school year is flying by already! Levi was so pumped for first grade. And look how cute and grown-up he looks all dressed up and actually wearing a shirt! On the way to school the first day, one of Levi’s cousins told my sister-in-law that it “feels so weird to be wearing a shirt”. Ha ha ha. I think Levi would share in his sentiment.

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levi-first-gradeWe had such a good summer but Levi was ready to try out this all day school thing. (He only went half-day for kindergarten.) His favorite part of school is lunch. I am going to be in trouble when summer rolls around again because apparently his school has amazing cooks. I don’t think my daily sandwiches will reach the high bar that they seem to be setting for me.

img_9630new“Everybody smile for mom so I can actually go to school!” He hates being late.

img_9624newThere we go. Look how cute they are. The little boys wouldn’t tell you that they miss Levi but, oh my goodness, those first few weeks were rough. I didn’t realize what a peacemaker Levi is among his brothers. So, we are all adjusting. Mom is figuring out life with a school kid, the little boys are figuring out how to get along when it’s just the two of them, and Levi is loving school. His only complaints have been that he is tired and has to miss out on some farming. And he misses his mom sooooo much! Ok, he didn’t say that he misses me but I know deep down he really does. 😉

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I have to share one more first day of school story…

As I was walking down the hallway after dropping Levi off that first day, one of our teacher friends caught my arm and said she had something for me. She came out of her classroom and handed me a vase of flowers. There were three pink roses. I was so surprised and asked her why she was giving me flowers. I mean, the teachers should be getting all the flowers! She quickly told me to read the card and went back to her class. As I was walking out of the building it clicked that Cora would have been in third grade this year. Cora would have been in her class. The card said that as she prepared her classroom this year and wrote out student’s names many times, she thought of our family. She wondered what Cora would have been like and wished she could have had Cora in her class this year. The three pink roses were for third grade. And then I sobbed. One of the silly things that breaks my heart every year is that I don’t get to see my girl’s name written on name tags and school supplies. I always wonder what it would be like to see Cora Paige McClenahan on the class list. I wonder what it would be like to walk her to her classroom along with her brother. I wonder what her personality would have been like among her classmates and who her friends would have been.

This summer I parked myself in Psalm 139 for awhile and was amazed as I thought about what it means to be completely known by our Creator God. I mean, we all long to be known, right? Opening that card on the first day of school was like getting a big hug from God, a God who really knows me and loves me despite the mess that I am. A reminder that even seven years later God knows that my heart still hurts a little knowing that Cora’s name is not on the third grade class list. He knows that I hate that I can’t write her name on school supplies even though that sounds so silly to say out loud. He knows that I still long to know what my baby Cora would have been like as a third grade girl. He “discerns my thoughts from afar” and is “acquainted with all my ways”. And like the Psalmist, I cannot even fathom being known and loved like this. It is too wonderful! What a blessing to be able to rest in the presence, character and grace of the One who knows and loves me. God is always good no matter what, but it’s like extra goodness when He uses His people to encourage one another. We have the best friends.

img_7292It is hard to believe my days of having all three boys home all day have past. We are officially entering the school years. What a gift it is to watch my kids grow up and reach the next milestone, or the next school year. I mean, I miss Levi like crazy when he is at school but it is so awesome to be his mom and have the privilege of training him up as he becomes a “big boy”. Whenever I am missing Cora it is just another reminder of how precious these days are. First day, first grade. These school years are a gift and I’m ready to cheer on that cute little first grader who is so full of personality!

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  • Paige - He’s such a good good father.

    Your boys are precious!!!ReplyCancel

  • Toni :0) - The flowers are so sweet, friends are a blessing. Since I have a senior this year in high school I can tell you the years are fleeting. Happy to hear you are savoring the days. All we can do is be there for them and help them to soar.ReplyCancel

  • Tiffany - So so touching. That was very kind of you to share and so thoughtful of your teacher friend to remember.ReplyCancel

  • Meggie - That is so special! I can’t even fathom the way He loves us! Love your family and your updates!! =)ReplyCancel

  • Sarah @ The Teacher's Wife - What a sweet and thoughtful teacher – I would have cried my eyes out too! I’m sure that meant a lot. And wow, Levi sure has grown! My girl started kindergarten and it’s been an adjustment too. Thanks for sharing!ReplyCancel

  • Andrea - Thank you, Jess, for always sharing your heart. I have cried many times reading your words. I’ve been following you since Cora’s illness. She and my daughter would be the same age. My heart breaks for you that you can’t share the special moments with her. You’ve helped me to remember to not take these days for granted and to hug and love my kiddos more. Prayers for your family!ReplyCancel

  • Mary Ann - Oh wow…Levi is really a big boy. Same with my only grandson, my Braxton who is in first grade this year too. They remind me of each other…Braxton has dark blonde hair, blue eyes, stocky build and so full of fun and mischief. The school years fly by so fast and we blink and our kids are all grown up way too quickly. I’m so happy that the teacher is such a kind, loving person to have given you those beautiful roses. She is one of the Lord’s servants who brought you one of His tender mercies and reminded you that your Cora will never be forgotten. My niece who lost her baby girl at 5 months from a neurological disease bought a pink backpack last month, filled it with school supplies, and took it to the school. She has a son (age 4) so he helped his mom. They gave it to one of the teachers to give to one of the 2nd grade girls who may have needed it the most. My niece said it breaks her heart to know that her little girl (Makenzie) will never go to school, never have a backpack, never be in school class pictures so giving the backpack to another girl in need eased her heartache a bit. You mama’s are so amazing and I am in awe of your faith, your hope, your trust in God, who is always be there to pull us through life’s greatest challenges. Have a wonderful day.ReplyCancel

    Jess Reply:

    Hi Mary Ann! I love what your niece did to remember her precious Makenzie! What a great idea. Such a sweet way to honor her daughter and bless another little girl. I will have to remember that! Thank you for your kind words!

    • Jess - Hi Mary Ann! I love what your niece did to remember her precious Makenzie! What a great idea. Such a sweet way to honor her daughter and bless another little girl. I will have to remember that! Thank you for your kind words!ReplyCancel

  • Kelly - What an amazing, amazing teacher friend and an even more amazing God! KellyReplyCancel

    Jess Reply:

    Hi Kelly! Yes, I am constantly amazing how God shows His extravagant love for us. So amazing.

    • Jess - Hi Kelly! Yes, I am constantly amazing how God shows His extravagant love for us. So amazing.ReplyCancel

  • Kimberly Oyler - i want to hug that teacher! what a kind thing to do. i remember when you posted that cora would have been been starting kindergarten a few years ago, and so now i think of you at the beginning of every school year. love and miss you, jess!ReplyCancel

    Jess Reply:

    Yes, she definitely deserves a big hug! Thanks for continuing to think of us, sweet friend! Hope you are doing well in Hawaii!!! I bet all of your Kansas family is missing you lots! Someday we will hang out again!

    • Jess - Yes, she definitely deserves a big hug! Thanks for continuing to think of us, sweet friend! Hope you are doing well in Hawaii!!! I bet all of your Kansas family is missing you lots! Someday we will hang out again!ReplyCancel

  • Kimberly - I know you must miss your sweet Cora immensely– and what an amazingly thoughtful teacher to be thinking of her as she was preparing for the year. It doesn’t sound silly at all that you’d like to be writing her name on school supplies. I just love your heart and your perspective on mothering– it reminds me not to take these fleeting days for granted. Hugs to you!ReplyCancel

    Jess Reply:

    Thank you for your kind words, Kimberly. Yes, each day is such a gift!

    • Jess - Thank you for your kind words, Kimberly. Yes, each day is such a gift!ReplyCancel

  • Annie - Wow, Jake favors Cora.. Wow.
    My youngest daughter favors her angel brother too. (we are the flip flop of your family, lost a boy, have all girls)ReplyCancel

  • Traci - The Cora story made me bawl!! What an amazingly thoughtful, loving thing to do for you!ReplyCancel