On Sunday we watched as 341 balloons floated up to heaven.
That is how many days Cora was here with us.
What a blessing those days were.
341 days that were so full of purpose.
Cora’s Playground dedication was horribly heartbreaking
and wonderful all at the same time.
I couldn’t stop the tears as I desperately wanted Cora to be there with us.
But I was amazed once again by God’s love and faithfulness.
We were surrounded by so many people.
Dear friends and family.
And some amazing new friends.
So supported and loved.
I am still trying to process it all.
I will share more soon.
“Sorrow is one of the things lent, not given.
Joy is given; sorrow is lent.
Sorrow is lent to us for just a little while
that we may use it for eternal purposes.
Then it will be taken away and everlasting joy
will be our Father’s gift to us, and the Lord God
will wipe away all tears…”
A sweet reminder from a sweet friend.
It was several weeks after Cora went to heaven that Joel told me about this song.
I had heard it many times, but didn’t realize how much meaning it would come to have for our family.
It was the song that was playing as we drove to the hospital with our sweet Cora. We didn’t talk the whole way there. We were in shock and just cried as we wondered if our perfect baby could really have cancer. I don’t even remember hearing the radio as my mind was desperately trying to make sense of what was happening to our family. But Joel remembers. God You Reign.
It was the song that played late that same night as Joel drove home from the hospital by himself. He was going to pack a bag for us as we found out we would be staying for awhile. We were anticipating Cora having surgery the next day. We were so scared. God You Reign.
And it has been the song that we have heard over and over as we try to continue forward as a family without Cora. It might be an overplayed song on the radio. But to us it is a constant reminder that no matter what we are feeling emotionally, the truth is still the same. God You Reign.
We both love that little voice at the very end of the song. Even though our little Cora was barely saying a few words when she left us, it is like she is whispering down a reminder to her mama and daddy. A reminder that we are going to be okay. God You Reign.
I love how Lincoln Brewster explains the meaning behind this song.
I wrote this post at the beginning of last week. I was planning on finishing it and posting the next day. But then my week just seemed to fall apart. It was a hard week for both of us. I’m not sure what exactly it was. Maybe it is the seasons changing. Another reminder of “firsts” that we are missing out on with Cora. Maybe it is the playground dedication that is coming up, bringing with it so many emotions. Or maybe it is simply that we miss our baby girl and our hearts continue to hurt. It was just one of those weeks.
So today as I look ahead at a new week. I think I need to be reminded again.
God You Reign.
With Cora not being with us now,
there are so many times I find myself wondering.
Yesterday I thought about Cora so much as she would have been 18 months old. It is hard to even imagine her that old. It is hard to believe that much time has gone by.
I wonder what she would be doing as an 18 month old.
What new things would she be learning?
What words would she be saying?
What would be her favorite thing to eat?
Would her personality be more like her mama or daddy?
How long would her pretty brown hair be by now?
What would we be doing together during our days at home?
I wonder why Cora had to get sick.
Why did God choose to take Cora home so quickly?
Why didn’t He heal Cora?
Why did He choose to draw us and others closer to Himself through Cora’s death instead of through her healing?
I wonder what our lives would have looked like this fall if she was here and everything was still “normal”.
I wonder what it is going to be like to welcome this new little one into our lives.
Will he/she look like Cora?
Will we feel like first time parents again?
Will it be hard to use Cora’s baby things for this baby or will it be healing?
What will it be like to have our arms filled again?
Will it be easier to be around our friends kids again?
Will we always be overprotective parents because of what happened to Cora?
Today as we sang Jesus Loves Me in church.
I wondered why I was having to wipe away my tears because my heart was aching so intensely, instead of singing this sweet song with Cora in my arms.
I think many of these things I will always wonder.
I may never understand.
I will never fully comprehend God’s ways.
But I know that when it comes to my relationship with God
and my future with Him,
I don’t have to wonder.
I will never need to wonder about God’s love for me.
I will never need to wonder how my story will end.
A friend told me awhile back that this part of my life is like a really bad chapter in a really good book. While I don’t know what the rest of my story will hold, I can be confident about the ending. I know that the end of my story is so incredibly sweet that I can’t even begin to imagine.
That is the TRUTH that keeps me going.
That is the TRUTH that I will never have to wonder about.
Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.