My first appointment was a little over a week ago.
I was anxious for the day to arrive. I did ok until the morning of the appointment. That morning I wasn’t so great. I was a mess. I was so nervous and anxious and sad all at the same time. I knew I needed to just trust–sometimes that is SO hard! I spent some time with the Lord and tried to hand over all of my fears and emotions to Him. He has been so faithful to walk beside us this far and I knew He would be faithful to help us get through this day too.
I needed that time to just be quiet and listen to the Lord, but I still had this heaviness in my heart that we were moving forward without Cora. I felt horrible. I sat in her room for a while and just cried and cried. So many cherished memories ran through my head as I sat there. I remembered sitting in that very rocking chair in the middle of the night looking at my sweet baby and just being amazed that she was my daughter. I felt so blessed. Cora brought us such joy. Now another little baby was on the way and Cora wasn’t going to be with us to meet him/her. I know Cora will always be a huge part of our family. But, it is still so hard. I was really struggling to sort through the intense pain of loosing Cora and the joy of this new baby.
Joel was just as nervous as I was. We hadn’t been to a doctor’s office since Cora was with us. During our days in the hospital we always felt this huge pit in our stomachs when a doctor would walk into Cora’s room. That was such a horrible feeling. Each time we prayed that bad news wouldn’t come out of the doctor’s mouth. So often it did.
As we sat waiting for my doctor to come in I think we were both feeling that same pit. We were praying that we wouldn’t here bad news that day. We didn’t know if we could handle any more. We just wanted to hear the sound of a little heart beat. We needed to hear some good news.
The nurses and doctors were so gracious to us. The great thing about living in a small town is that they all knew about Cora. We didn’t have to explain anything. They understood and were so kind as tears rolled down our cheeks. They were wonderful!
And then we heard the amazing sound of our baby’s heartbeat. We needed to hear that so badly! We even got to take a peek at our new little one.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Everything looked great so far. I am 12 weeks along and January 2nd is my due date. We are so thankful for this new little life! I am feeling pretty good. Just tired. And very emotional on top of already being very emotional. I am grateful for my amazing and understanding husband. He is so patient with me.
Thanks for your many sweet comments. We loved reading them all! We feel so blessed to be loved and prayed for by so many.
So, this is the beginning of another new journey…
we will be clinging tightly to the Lord the whole way!