More from the retreat…
There are so many things that I heard last weekend that keep running through my mind. I feel like I have jumped back into the busyness of “normal” life and haven’t had time to process everything. I didn’t take any notes at the retreat, so I have been trying to write down a few things I want to remember. This one thing has really stuck with me:
I don’t want grief to define who I am.
I want Christ to define who I am.
What defines you? Isn’t it so true that we often let our circumstances define who we are?
The hole that Cora left in my life when she died is a huge part of who I am. It always will be. Grief is a raw, hard thing. It is something that I have to face everyday now. But, do I want it to dominate my life?
We laughed with this group about how so often you feel like you are walking around wearing this big blinking sign that says, “MY CHILD DIED”. It is like a warning when you are approaching and it creates so much awkwardness. If you are happy you feel like people think you are fine and ready to move on. If you are sad you feel like you are a burden to everyone around you.
Joel and I talked during the retreat about how we don’t want to let grief control our lives, our family, or our relationships. While there will still be those days when we are so sad that we would rather pull the covers over our heads than face another day, we don’t want grief to define who we are. We want people to look at our lives and see Christ. We want Christ to be glorified, even in our grief. We want our lives to be defined by Him.
It is easy to say that, right? It is so much harder to live out. I went away from this weekend realizing there are no easy answers. There is no quick fix to my grief. Not even at a conference for grieving parents. But what I did realize is that I need to be constantly filling the hole that Cora left in my life with Christ. Studying His Word and learning to know Him better. IN HIM is the only place that I am going to find true comfort and answers to my questions as I grieve. And as I spend time with Him and allow Him to overcome even my deepest sorrows, I am allowing Christ to define who I am. That is what I want people to see in me.
Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat–I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how.
Luke 9:23-24 (The Message)