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levi + griffin

There are many moments that I wonder how our days would be different if there were two little kiddos running around my house as we welcomed Baby Brother into our family. I wonder how different things would be if Levi had to take on the role of little brother instead of only knowing what it is like to be the oldest child…and now big brother. I wonder how my sweet and serious little girl would have interacted with my silly and ornery little boy. And I wonder how she would have responded to a new baby coming home. I think it is okay to wonder. Cora will always be one of the siblings after all. But when I dwell on “what should have been” it makes me so sad. So sad for Levi and the relationship with his sister that he has been missing out on. So sad that our family will never be whole here on earth. So sad that all my babies aren’t here…together. I have had to grieve all of those “should have been” things, but I am learning that I can’t dwell there. That wasn’t God’s plan for my family. When I start focusing on what “should have been” I am often reminded of these words that the Lord pressed deep on my heart at the Respite Retreat: invest in the living.
Levi has been my only child here on earth for the past 20 months. And now I am the mama of two boys. I can choose to dwell on “what should have been” or I can invest in these little boys that the Lord has entrusted to me. What a gift they each are. The Lord has used Levi’s little life to restore our joy in so many ways. He has brought noise and laughter to our house again. And in many ways his being our “only child” has been a gift. I treasure the time that we have had together, just us. And now the Lord is using Griffin to remind me of the life that God continues to bring to my family even in the face of death. A reminder of His continued faithfulness through both sorrow and joy.
I have only known what it is like to have one child at a time. So, this transition of going from one to two kids has brought on some big emotions for me. I have longed for the day when I could see my kids together. I dreamed that Levi would love Baby Brother the second he laid eyes on him. While I still treasure that moment when I first saw my two boys together in the same room…that is not exactly what happened. In fact, Levi was so out of sorts the first time he came to the hospital that I didn’t even really think to take any pictures. I was too overwhelmed. Levi wouldn’t even come see me. He started crying when they put him on my bed. I think the hospital bed and the IVs scared him. And then it was time to meet Griffin. They put Griffin in his lap and he pushed him away and said “done now”. Those are words we have heard quite frequently lately. πŸ™‚ Levi was definitely not himself and he didn’t stay at the hospital long. I knew that probably could happen, but man it is hard to see your baby not acting like himself.
Levi came back the next day and did much better. I wasn’t hooked up to the IV anymore but he still didn’t really want to sit with me on the bed. He preferred to look from a distance.
He was much more interested in Griffin though. Griffin often has his little fists clinched and every time Levi notices it he tries to give him a bump (fist bump). So cute.
He leans in to give him kisses, but usually doesn’t actually kiss him. It is more of an air kiss. πŸ™‚
We had a little gift for Levi at the hospital from Griffin. Levi loves his soccer ball and whenever you ask him who it is from he says “Baby Griffin”. I love hearing him say his brother’s name.
We even got Levi to sit still long enough to hold his baby brother the second day.Β 
He is very interested in Griffin’s paci and gently pushing shoving it in his mouth whenever he can. Amazingly, he has only tried to put it in his own mouth once. He always says it is “baby’s paci”. Thank goodness taking away Levi’s paci didn’t backfire on us!
So here are my boys together. Love. It has been a hard transition for Levi to not be the only one at home anymore. And it has been a little hard on his mama’s heart to see him not acting like himself and not lovin’ on his mama like he usually does. But we all are transitioning. Each day has been a little better and I think Levi is almost back to himself. So glad.Β 
So here we are. Another transition that we made it through. Two sweet babies at home now.Β 
I can’t wait to invest my days in raising my two boys.
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  • Ingrid @ thesunnyside.me - tears streaming down my face…so very beautiful!
    your boys are just so sweet…ReplyCancel

  • Anonymous - I can almost empathize, but in a different way. I had twins the first time, so never knew what having one really was about! When our twins were 3 1/2 we welcomed baby sister into our lives, but our son had a similar reaction to Levi’s, only magnified by a thousand. We don’t know why, but his little sister’s birth and my hospital stay, triggered something in my little boy and he became severely autistic. So, my days with my newest baby girl were tempered by grief because I had suddenly lost my sweet boy. God and time healed us and now the twins are 9 and baby sister is 5. In the last year I have finally felt we have become the family God meant us to be, not the ideal family I had always pictured. I will be praying for your family during this time because I know it will be wonderful, yet bittersweet.ReplyCancel

  • Lora - Transitions are rough. Hang in there – we had a very traumatic birth experience and since I made it out with a healthy baby, I had a lot of guilt for feeling so frustrated and bitter about the first 2 weeks of my baby’s life, the transition to motherhood with a sick baby was not what I had imagined or prepared myself for. He’ll love showing big brother around soon!ReplyCancel

  • The Hun Fam 5 - It is all going to be GREAT! Those two boys will be the best of friends, and your days are going to be filled with laughter, joy, and exhaustion!! : ) Keep depending on the good Lord for all of your worries. He will guide you through. May God Bless your beautiful family.

    Krissy
    Batavia, ILReplyCancel

  • Melanie - Oh Jess, your post is so sweet! Thank you (as always) for sharing your wonderful family with us. Levi’s reaction to you and Griffin in the hospital reminded me of my daughter Alyssa. She was three years old when Luca was born and when my husband brought her to the hospital she acted like a “wild child”. When we got home, she was naughty and acted out (which was so unlike her) and it broke my heart. Thankfully, she gradually warmed up to Luca and went back to being my little sweetie. πŸ™‚ Alyssa is thirteen years old now and is still a sweetheart and is her little brother’s biggest fan. Love you to all!ReplyCancel

  • skitkat19 - congratulations, jess! griffin is precious – and levi will adjust in his own time! hang in there and remember that you have many friends you have never even met who are praying for your sweet little family. πŸ™‚ hey, what does griffin’s name mean, by the way?ReplyCancel

  • AllTheKingsBlessings - I don’t know your grief, I can’t even imagine. So happy for you though, that God has blessed you with your third baby, a wonderful addition to your family!
    I had the hardest time going from one child to two, harder than the addition of three, four, five or six! I think it was the guilt of not having ALL my time for my oldest daughter only. I had to nurse the baby, or change her, or whatever else she needed, so my time was split in half. I love how God gives us exactly what we need at exactly the time we need it though, and we made it through. As you will so gracefully do, like you do everything else! May God continue to bless your dear family. πŸ™‚ReplyCancel

  • Bethany - God is going to richly bless your investment! Thanks for the reminder and sharing these sweet pictures.

    It’s so hard the first time. And sometimes the second and third to watch the oldest become oldest to more. The baby become the middle. But then life smooths out and you watch beautiful friendships and secret relationships unfold. Hang in there!

    They are both beautiful!ReplyCancel

  • meg - My oldest is almost 2 1/2 and our second is 9 months, and I look back at the first month as just a constant transition — and you’ll look back on these posts one day and probably not remember it nearly as bad as it was. πŸ™‚ Our minds have a great way of blocking that out I think. I have no advice on your grief and all I can say is I pray for you and I imagine that I would feel exactly what you write. I always “get” everything you’re going through (as much as I can without experiencing it myself of course) but as a mommy who recently transitioned into two babies, I promise it gets so much easier and so much more fun! I’m sure you know that, but I remember the first couple of weeks of adjusting and I just had to let you know that I understand!! It’s hard but wonderful — frustrating but perfect. To add grief to that must feel impossible to describe, but I hope the joy of your two boys outweighs the sadness. God bless!!ReplyCancel

  • Kelly Ford - How incredible πŸ™‚ My husband and I have lost 2 babies to miscarriage and now have 2 babies and I often wonder what our “whole” family will look like in heaven πŸ™‚ Not the same as what you’ve been through AT ALL. Not even close. But i share the interest in seeing our family complete one day.

    Love seeing your sweet boys together! Thanks for sharing!ReplyCancel

  • Tara Long - So cute. I also have two boys. Mine are 21 months apart. My oldest is going to be turning 3 this next month and the baby is 14 months. We are still getting adjusted… It is a hard transition, but so wonderful as well. I love seeing my boys together. My oldest is also one of those that suddenly changed when we brought brother home. It breaks my heart to think about it and it’s hard not to feel guilty sometimes. He was a super sweet easy going angel baby and then when baby brother came along he snapped and has been horribly angry and defiant ever since. ( he does have occasional sweet moments still of course). We are trying harder to give him extra love and remember how our heavenly father would react when he is being especially difficult. Even though we haven’t had that kind of transition of brotherly love I’d thought we’d have it is slowly getting better and as the little one becomes more of a “friend” as he learns to interact better, I can see they just really might be good friends. Everyday gets a little better.
    I guess that’s all I’m really trying to say. Everyday will get better, and I know a little how you feel too.
    You have a beautiful family and such amazing faith. Thank you for your example.ReplyCancel

  • Paula - his reactions are normal.. he will process it and be fine.. you can already see he is accepting baby brother Griffin.. the fist bump is the cutest!! what he does with Uncle Owen, right? so so sweet! My daughters are 2 years apart.. I went thru similar experiences when my youngest was born.. in no time Kerry was being mama to Stephanie and they are close to this day.. Wait and see the change once Griffin can acknowledge and react to Levi.. that’s when the real fun starts! enjoy every moment.. I know you know how fast they grow! I love the updates.. the pictures are absolutely precious!! <3 to you all! ...Paula...ReplyCancel

  • Meghan - Loved reading this. What a crazy and joyous time all at once. Can’t even imagine all of the emotions you’re experiencing these days. All three of your children are beautiful Jess and so are you. Thanks for sharing your heart.ReplyCancel

  • Vera - First of all, my heart breaks for you, and I can only imagine how hard every milestone in your family’s life is without sweet Cora.

    But I loved reading about your boys together, because my 20 month old Henry is about to meet HIS baby brother any day and I have NO idea how it’s going to go… we’ll see! I’m excited and nervous!!ReplyCancel

  • Laura Ann - I have followed your blog since sweet Cora was little, but seldom comment. When I read this tonight I knew I had to comment.

    My kiddos (now 4 and 2.5) were born 20 months apart and it was hard. I know that sadness first hand about being worried about your older child and knowing they are not themself.

    I remember Emma coming to the hospital and she was in SHOCK and the stress was seen on her face for weeks to come after Gavin came home.

    Things did not return to normal with my older chld for 3 weeeks after the baby was born and I remember praying daily for her to be okay.

    I look back on pictures now and am blown away by what a baby she truly was as the time of her brothers birth, but at the time thought she was so big.

    You can do it and it is so worth it once they get older. Mine are inseperable these days and are so super close. They are the best of friends and love each other like crazy.

    I love Griffin’s name and he looks so much like Cora to me.

    Praying for you and your beautiful family.ReplyCancel

  • Nancy - They are both so precious. What a sweet post. You write so well & have amazing faith. Keep blogging because you teach, inspire & share wonderful reminders to us & I know how much I appreciate that & I’m sure others do! Enjoy your 2 boys!!!ReplyCancel

  • Jenae - We had an almost identical experience when our Big and Little Brothers (22 months apart) met for the first time…I was so disappointed that it wasn’t at all like I pictured it. But then I remembered that nothing ever seems to go as planned and God normally far exceeds my expectations in the long run. The relationship between my boys is no exception…they are absolute best friends now and LOVE being together!ReplyCancel

  • Lindsay - I have three little boys (3.5, 2.5 and 9 months) and the older two are best buddies. Tonight I got to sit and listen to them talk and play with each other and just laugh with each other over something that was so silly. It blesses my heart to think of them growing up and having each other. No matter what friends come in and out of their lives, they will always be brothers! Praying for your heart to be comforted tonight!!ReplyCancel

  • Auntie Mip - Sweet Jess,

    Your big boy will soon fall madly in love with your little boy. Time is another gift the Lord has for you. Time to get to know your boys as brothers. Time for Levi to learn how to be a brother. Time to become a family of four.

    True story…my older brother died when I was about Levi’s age, a few months older than him.mmabout 2 years after we lost or David to leukemia Greg came along. I was the youngest until Greg and was.not.amused! One night when my parents had several couples over for dinner I was particularly irritated by Greg and all his cute, attention seeking baby ways. I marched myself right into the finding room during dinner and asked my mama all too loudly, “if David hadn’t gone to heaven would you and daddy have had Greg…he is not fun!”. Can you imagine? I am still paying for that one.

    God bless Levi and Griffin, God bless the Macs!ReplyCancel

  • Stef - Jess, this post meant so much to my heart right now. I’m pregnant again (7th pregnancy, 4th child) and I’m dealing with a lot of those “the way things should have been” thoughts and needing to focus on what’s true and real and present. Your situation is much different than mine because Cora was alive and part of your family for so long. My babies went to be with Jesus before we got to meet them outside the womb.
    This was a good and timely reminder for me.

    Thank you.
    Enjoy your boys. They sure are handsome little guys.ReplyCancel

  • Jennifer - I so needed to read this today. I have so struggled with the “what should have been” today. Thank you for the reminder of His faithfulness. Sometimes our plans are not the Lords. Griffin is precious and I’m sure in no time Levi will be back to normal. Congrats.ReplyCancel

  • waiting - Your writing is so beautiful! I don’t think anyone’s “big brother meets little brother” story is what they had anticipated:) My older son was 7 1/2 when his little brother was born. I was so worried about how he would react to not being the only child/baby anymore. He has done beautifully. He loved him so much from day one. NOW he aggravates the daylights out of him on a regular basis. ARGGH! Also, don’t forget…Levi is approaching 2, so those unfortunate “terrible 2’s” are upon you. Some of his “acting out” (if he even has any) could be due to that in the months to come! They could NOT be ANY cuter!!! Congratulations again!ReplyCancel

  • Anonymous - Praying for you during this transition Jess!ReplyCancel

  • Jamie Bahr - My heart goes out to you. My oldest child had a very similar reaction at the hospital to her baby brother. I even remember “mourning” the focused time I had with even before I had baby number two. The transition was rough, but if it helps, I had completely forgotten about it until now πŸ™‚ Now my oldest shares my attention with three younger siblings…she’s had to learn to share big time!ReplyCancel

  • Sarah - wow. just wow. This post was just so beautiful and honest. Thank you for sharing, for always being real.
    I’m glad Levi is returning to his old self, and so good to hear the paci thing isn’t an issue.ReplyCancel

  • Allen and Debby Graber - We had Jill “give” Josh a little car and I think it helped him sort of lke her for that. One day they will be such buds!ReplyCancel

  • Mum2twopreciousgifts - Jess, it took TEN (10!) days before Georgia, then aged 3-1/2, would come near me or her little brother. That was 5 years ago now and I still remember my absolute crushing disappointment that our attempt to have a family photo of the FOUR of us together resulted in. I think I cried more than the tantruming 3-1/2 year old!! Levi will get there in time. And I continue my prayers for great health, sleep and ten sets of hands for you and Joel at this time. God Bless. Michelle from Australia.ReplyCancel

  • Mindy Harris - the picture of levi holding griffin just melts my heart!! eeee! amazing. i can relate about levi not being himself for a wee bit. that’s how wilder was with story and we all just struggled with the new lifestyle. time makes it better.ReplyCancel

  • Erica - oh this post made me cry. probably because i am right there. literally. i just gave birth to my 3rd son 2 days after you had griffin (which, i was a little jealous, because i was due before you. ha! mine came a week overdue). looking at levi reminds me of my middle son and every way that levi reacted is how nolan reacted to his new brother. so i’m right there with you… transitioning yet SO blessed. i’m so happy for your family and new sweet griffin!ReplyCancel

  • Mr Lonely - walking here with a smile. take care.. have a nice day ~ =D

    Regards,
    http://www.lonelyreload.com (A Growing Teenager Diary) ..ReplyCancel

  • Sue - What a lovely post. Levi will settle down before you know it and in next to no time the two of them will be running a storm around your feet. Such beautiful blessings. And it’s so wonderful to see how positive you are through such testing times.

    Congratulations and well done to you both!

    Sue XReplyCancel

  • Sam - Dearest Jess
    Those are beautiful pictures of your two little boys. I got a lump in my throat looking at them. You have got so much love and happiness ahead of you!
    xxReplyCancel

  • Carla - I wish there were like buttons on the comments because some of the above comments made me smile so much πŸ™‚ The first few weeks can be really really hard with two. It seems you never can have enough time or arms for the two, but then like others have said, you get into a rhythm and, crazy and all as it is to imagine it now, Levi won’t even remember what it was like to be an only child.We had some rough times at the start but now, My two are so close that when I want to take one off somewhere, thinking it will be a treat to go off with mammy on our own, they won’t go without the other!!
    I can’t imagine how much your heart aches for your darling Cora and how difficult it must be to cope with the sadness at such a emotional time. My admiration for how positive and not-bitter you come across is huge. Be very gentle on yourself, just focus on yourself and your two sweet little boys these days, forget the housework and the outside world for a while and just take it really easy. Before you know it, they will be best buddies, chasing each other around the house πŸ™‚ReplyCancel

  • DianeTaylor - You sure know how to make a 52 year old grown woman cry big tears – wow. I only have one son (I lost 3 other babies before I had my miracle boy) so I don’t know what it is like to have two. I think you painted the perfect picture that it may not always BE perfect – but in time — God’s time — it will.
    Amazing post :):)ReplyCancel

  • Meggie - So sweet! We are still transitioning as well. My 2.5 year old wasn’t exactly thrilled with his new little brother at first either, and it was really hard for me not to feel guilty and sad. But, “Baby Austin” will be 1 month old on Monday and each day is getting a little more normal and my big boy is getting a little more adjusted. I think he’s just about there! I’ve said it before, but I’m excited we’ll be going through this season together of raising 2 boys. =)ReplyCancel

  • thesummerchronicles - We lost our 7 year old son in 2007 and have since added two more little ones…each time we had another child, I struggled with those same emotions. Knowing you’ll never have that true family photo or hold ALL your babies here on earth in an overwhelming feeling.

    Maybe it’s silly, but one thing we did was put our last family photo and a recent family photo side by side on a wall…a gentle reminder of what our family once looked like and what it is today.ReplyCancel

  • Leatha - I have thoroughly enjoyed reading about your journey with motherhood. God is so good! Your blog is one that I go to everyday for updates. I love the fact that you want to include God in all that you do. It’s encouraging to read. I’m also so grateful that you are so transparent. It has encouraged me to be the same in my walk with Jesus. Thank you for sharing your life’s journey in your blog. Cora, Levi and Griffin are blessed to have you as their Momma:) I’m praying for the transition of a adding a new person to your family.:)ReplyCancel

  • Sarah - When my daughter was born I thought my boys would be so excited to have a little sister-especially since they had been saying a girl the whole time I was pregnant (we didn’t find out what we were having) but then Katie was born and my boys came in the room and wanted nothing to do with me or her. It was hard but now Katie is 14 months old and her big brothers love her so much! I know you will love having two boys and it is so fun to watch them interact with each other the older they get. My boys are best friends (most of the time!) and I love watching them with each other!ReplyCancel

  • Anonymous - I had the same thing happen. My third was so attached to me before # 4 and when she came to see us at the hospital, she wouldn’t even come by me. It may be rough for a couple weeks, but Levi will get better and he and Griffin will be best friends!
    Melinda (NJ)ReplyCancel

  • McKenzie - You brought tears to my eyes and as always strength to my heart. My 2nd little guy will here in about a month and my Jaxson will turn 3 next weekend! I am terrified that he won’t want to be my sweet Momma’s boy anymore. He’s been the only child for so long!
    Thank you for the good idea about the gift from baby brother…I think that would really help us too.
    Your boys are so beautiful and I look forward to more updates about how their relationship develops.ReplyCancel

  • Kristin Stegent - Wow…I cannot imagine all the emotions there, and the constant reminders and thoughts of what should have been. Your boys are so precious, I just loved seeing them together!ReplyCancel

  • Whitney - Your boys are just beautiful (just like Cora!). I had triplets the first time around and had our surprise baby in March. It took about 3 months to feel like we were in a routine and the kids weren’t acting out in response to having a baby in the house. It is challenging but you are doing great – it will get better.ReplyCancel

  • Mansi - Wish you & your family all the good wishes & patience to get through this transition phase.

    I have a 3.3 years old girl & at times, I wish to have another baby but really scared to think from her part & feel a bit scared to witness the transition phase.

    I am sure reading your blog will help me to understand the way bonding develops between siblings.ReplyCancel

  • Tara - i loved your post invest in the living. loved it! and your boys are absolutely precious! loved the picture of levi holding griffin. so so sweet. and i bet before long levi will be back to his mama-lovin’ self … you know that they can’t be without a little mama love for too long! β™₯ transistions are tough though. praying that it gets easier.ReplyCancel

  • Anonymous - Your babies are just precious! Enjoy them! My daughter is 15 and my son is 13. My dad always told me to enjoy everything because they grow up so quickly. They do. Even the times that seem frustrating and never-ending do get better and fade in your memory. The words to this country song always get me…. “You’re gonna miss this. You’re gonna want this back. You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast.” Just enjoy them! πŸ™‚ReplyCancel

  • LisaE - Beautiful. I dream of having babies one day; perhaps one day my husband and I will be blessed like that. I know you must miss Cora desperately, though. As a big sister, I know how fun it was to have little brothers. My brothers are about the same age difference that your boys are, and they became best friends. Thanks for sharing, and I love your blog.ReplyCancel

  • The Moffats - Sweet post, Jess. Tears just thinking of what “should have been” and wondering what sweet Cora would think of two brothers…but also thankful for the blessings and faithfulness that God has continued to bring. Levi will love his brother in no time. Praying for your heart as you continue to transition and for Levi to get back to his sweet ornery self πŸ™‚ Can’t wait to love on you all!!ReplyCancel

  • Lauren - I love it, what sweet pictures!! My favorite picture ever is the first picture we took of our two boys together. Such a moment in time! I had tears reading those first paragraphs. I know your pain, in a different way. Our oldest son is severely disabled. Will never walk, talk, or ever understand life as we know it. I still grieve that our youngest son will never have a “normal” brother that will run and play with him. It was a hard adjustment bringing our new baby home because I didn’t have a jealous toddler, but a toddler who hadn’t a clue that there was even a baby around. A sweet boy that would never be able to enjoy having a baby brother. It was heartbreaking. But I realized, this is God’s plan, He gave us such an incredible, special little boy for a reason. I know my life doesn’t compare to yours in some ways, but in many it does. I always will wonder what life would have been like if Truitt were healthy. This isn’t the way we envisioned parenthood, and it sometimes feels so cruel. I learned to let go of trying to control an uncontrollable situation. There are many blessings in our lives, it just is harder to see them sometimes. I hope your days get better, and you heart less heavy. You are so blessed by those sweet boys! Enjoy every second πŸ™‚ReplyCancel

  • Melissa Joy - Oh Jess, this had me in tears. My mom called me last night and asked if I read your newest post. She said, “you could have written it yourself.” And she’s right. So true.
    When you said: “And now I am the mama of two boys. I can choose to dwell on “what should have been” or I can invest in these little boys that the Lord has entrusted to me. What a gift they each are.” ~ that really hit home for me. Thank you. Our one living son is nearly 3 1/2, and we are hoping to welcome his newest little brother into our arms in nine weeks. But these boys have seven siblings in heaven, and I forever wonder about the “would have beens.” But I can’t dwell there. I am praying for grace to focus on these boys God has graciously allowed to live on earth.
    Like you, I don’t know what to expect transitioning from one to two living children ~ because most of my children live in heaven. But I am eager to jump into that new phase, and am so thankful for the wisdom God is imparting to me through you and your honest heart that you share with us here.
    Thank you, sister. God is glorified.ReplyCancel

  • The Mershawn's - It will get better for Levi. And for you. You are so wise & keep things in such a great perspective. I’m sure it’s what you have to do, but I’m so glad the Lord has given you such a tremendous ability to do that. Keep hanging on…before long, you’re going to have to keep all eyes on those brothers, who will be great friends!ReplyCancel

  • Melinda - Beautiful, thank you for sharing with us.

    My oldest was just over 2.5 when my youngest was born, and he had a hard time handling the hospital visits. He turned into a completely different kid during my stay there. For quite awhile after we came home, he would ask me if we had to go back there and wanted nothing to do with hospitals. I think it’s scary and overwhelming for little kids. Everything looks so strange to them, and they don’t understand why mama is in the weird looking bed πŸ™‚ReplyCancel

  • Matt White - awww…so cute! we have a griffin too! he is 18 mths! cute boys! enjoy! πŸ™‚

    alliReplyCancel

  • Anonymous - So sweet, those two boys together. You know they probably got to see Cora before they came here to earth. She probably whispers in their ears when no one else knows it. She’s up there watching out for them. She will always be part of your lives. Congrats to all of you on your little Griffin, your spunky Levi, and your sweet Angel Cora. I hope you and yours will see nothing but joy in your lives and happiness will abound always. Mary from SLC UtahReplyCancel

  • Laci - Aww, this was a very touching post to me. I’ve been following your blog for years now, but I don’t comment too often. My daughter was just 20 months old when we welcomed our twin boys to our family. She screamed at the hospital visiting us for the first time. Cried and yelled, “No mama”…she didn’t want to sit with me kiss me, hug me, or even talk to me. She was clinging to her Grandma and saying “Go Bye-bye”. I was so worried what it would be like when we got home. Luckily we all transitioned to 3 babies under 2 yrs. very quickly! I hope that you all will transition quickly as well. Good luck!! Your family is just beautiful!!ReplyCancel

  • Bridget - How sweet are those pictures!? Griffin has a great head of hair and Levi’s eyes are just so beautiful. It’s such an adventure and it sounds like you’ve got the right idea in knowing it’s all a transition. Levi is acting completely normal for his age and I’m sure you’ve heard this before.

    My kids didn’t enjoy seeing me in a hospital bed either and my oldest was 18 months when his sister was born. He didn’t want anything to do with me, liked the baby for about 2 minutes and then took off running down the hall of the hospital to play. I didn’t have huge expectations because of his age. However, once we came home he was all over mama and LOVED that baby right up! When #3 rolled around my daughter bawled when she saw me in the hospital bed and she was 2.5 yrs old. She said, “get down out of that bed” repeatedly, LOVED her baby brother and was upset that I wasn’t doing stuff with/for her. Again, once I came home she was happy to have her world back to normal (as normal as it can be with a newborn).

    I’ve got two boys and a girl, just like you! πŸ™‚ Your children are beautiful and God has put so many blessings in your life. You and your husband are doing a fantastic job!ReplyCancel

  • Martha - Oh how I remember going through EXACTLY this same thing. Reading your post brought back a flood of memories. My son acted the same way when we brought his sister home from the hospital and I remember worrying that I had ruined his life! Darn hormones! Henry was rotten to me for about a month. He didn’t mind his sister, so much — it was me he was angry at. I remember wondering where my sweet little boy had gone. Don’t worry – things will get better and life will be peaceful again! -MarthaReplyCancel

  • jennifer rogers - they are too cute! Levi’s reaction to the new baby and the way he is acting towards you is the same way my son acted when we brought his little sister home. I’m sure Levi will grow out of this phase soon and then he just might be more “help” than you can handle with the new baby!ReplyCancel

  • Lindsay - They are both so precious. Congratulations! Sidenote: I have a younger brother named Levi Griffith. πŸ™‚ Love your choice in names!ReplyCancel

  • Anonymous - Such a heartfelt and honest post Jess. When wondering makes you sad, just remember that Levi may not have been here if Cora didn’t go to heaven so young. Maybe you wouldn’t have had another baby so close to Cora, so let your heart be comforted that “what is” and “what would have been” is all part of Gods plan for your family. Enjoy your baby boys and best of health and happiness to you all. Your memories of sweet baby Cora will always have a special spot in your heart…always.ReplyCancel

  • shrilampi - What a beautiful beautiful family you are.. May you enjoy with your sons. reading your story has given me so much strength and hope thank you for sharing it. Good luckReplyCancel

  • Anonymous - Levis first visit to see you in the hospital is so typical for any young child, they have no idea why mommy who is usually with them at home has dissapeared and now in a completely unfamiliar spot to the child enetering to see her. Levi’s reaction had more to do with his uncertainty of this new experience and place than a lack of love for mom or the new sibling. Little ones can’t put it all together in their minds. In time, you won’t be able to separate them! Hugs and blessings to you all!ReplyCancel

  • pocomomo - Our granddaughter was 2 1/2 when her baby sister was born and after the first visit to the hospital to see her mother and new baby sister, she kept telling me that she just wanted her Mommy out of that bed to come home. I think it is all typical, not what you hope for, but it will pass. Just another opinion from a grandmother’s perspective.ReplyCancel

  • julia - When we had our second the doctor told me (when I asked about bringing another baby home) that the best I could hope for is indifference. It’ll get better! Having a gift for him was a good move! We gave ours a Buzz Lightyear (and he still has it).ReplyCancel

  • Angela A. - I hate how things in your head don’t always play out the way you think they will such as Levi meeting his brother! I thought when my daughter finally was able to meet Bronson that she would be excited and want to give him kisses but, she was more interested in his soother and blanket! Oh kids! Bronson’s been home from the hospital for 1.5 months now and Kallie, I think, has come to terms that he’s staying with us for good! πŸ™‚ BTW, you have the most adorable two little boys! πŸ™‚ReplyCancel

  • Susie - I don’t know that I’ve ever commented, but wanted to tell you that I still have the “Thank You” with Cora’s picture in my office from an order I placed years ago. I have taken down outdated pictures of friends and family, but that picture remains. Such a sweet little girl…she will never be far from a lot of people’s thoughts.ReplyCancel

  • The Tame Lion - Excellent!
    Thanks for sharing!ReplyCancel

  • Anonymous - I have been reading your blog for some time now. I have two small children and can promise you that it does get better. This is the hardest part right now and it doesn’t help that your hormones are going crazy and you’re sleep deprived. Just take it one day at a time, honey.ReplyCancel

  • molly - I am actually really glad you explained what happened when Levi met Griffin. That is exactly what happened to my 21-month-old when he came to the hospital to meet his baby brother. He was confused, upset, out of sorts. He hid behind the hospital bed. My parents finally had to take him home because he was so freaked out. But the next day he did much better.

    I’m so sorry you don’t have all your babies here on earth. Your strength to push on and move forward astound me. And it is because of bloggers like you who openly share their faith in God, that I have found Jesus again. I am working through that relationship. I figure if there are people out there who have suffered such great loss in life and still believe in His truth, who am I to deny it?ReplyCancel

  • EricaG - Beautiful post. I have a two boys (6 and 3) and a new baby girl (3 months). Our 3 year old is still having a hard time with the transition. I pray Levi does well. It’s hard to share!ReplyCancel

  • A "friend" praying for you in MD - I haven’t stopped by in a while. I am not even sure how I heard of your family after your precious little one went to heaven. I think it was a prayer request on another site. Anyway, I still think of you all and pray for you. The pictures are so beautiful and I praise God with you for His goodness despite the pain.ReplyCancel

  • teresa - you are such a dear mama. thanks for sharing how things are going for you and levi + griffin. you have me crying and smiling and sighing. isn’t that just how life is? so thankful for your beautiful, trusting faith in God, your Rock. He is faithful. remembering you with love, ((hugs)) and prayers,ReplyCancel

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