It is such a special day. One definitely to be celebrated. I am so grateful for the moms in my life…my mom, my mother-in-law, and my grandmas. All women who have impacted my life in some significant way. But as each Mother’s Day comes and goes, so do the reminders of heartache that often come with this special day. Before Cora died I took being a mom for granted. I thought that when I was ready to be a mom, I would have kids and we would forever be a happy little family. It basically happened that way and I continued in my blissful little world…until that world was turned upside down and I was forced to face Cora’s death. I was a mom…and then all of a sudden I was not anymore. That first Mother’s Day without Cora was dark. I know that Jesus carried me through that day because I felt like I could hardly stand. All I wanted was to be Cora’s mom again.
I always miss Cora a little extra on Mother’s Day. I will never forget that day she made me a mama and I held her in my arms for the first time. A gift that I will be forever grateful for. God has used those 341 days I spent as Cora’s mom to mold me and change me into the mom I am today (a mom who still needs a lot of molding!). And while that sadness usually creeps in as I think about that little girl who is missing from our family, the Lord continues to heal my heart as each year passes. But as the intensity of my own heartache lessens, I am reminded of those who faced Sunday with an aching heart. I am reminded to pray for those who are missing their mamas, or those who are missing being a mama, or those who are longing to be a mama.
Mother’s Day has become a reminder to pray for those who are hurting but also a reminder of the gift that motherhood really is.
It is a privilege to be a mom. I am so grateful for my two boys. They are an incredible blessing to me. Each day that I get to spend as their mama is a gift…even the hard days.
It is a gift to put my own needs aside and seek to meet their needs.
It is a gift to nurture them.
It is a gift to give hugs and be hugged.
It is a gift to comfort them when they are hurting, like only a mama can.
It is a gift to seek to know them as individuals and speak life into their little lives.
It is a gift to train them up in the way they should go…even when I often wonder if I will ever know how to do that.
It is a gift to lead them into an understanding of the person and character of God…the Only One who can truly satisfy them.
It is a gift to play and laugh and cry together.
It is a gift to pray for them.
Even the sleepless nights are a gift.
It is a gift to be their mom.
I read a blog post about a mother’s prayer last week and loved this song that Keith and Kristyn wrote for their daughter, Eliza. Oh man, seeing that sweet little girl running around brought tears to my eyes, but the words of this song are so beautiful. So much truth that I want to be praying for my own children too.
The Lord has given me a job right now and that job is to be a mom to Levi and Griffin. I am thankful for His grace because I mess up all the time. It is a job that I could never do on my own without His wisdom and guidance. On my own I get sidetracked, and selfish, and begin to put other things above this important task of being a mom. But I want to be faithful to the job He has graciously given to me. I want to be faithful to pray for my boys through all of their days. And I don’t ever want to take these days as their mom for granted.
Before I posted this I looked back in my archives to see what was on my heart last Mother’s Day. It looks like there is a theme! 😉