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Our Easter…
We thought Levi needed a sock monkey in his Easter basket.
I know he is really too young to care about an Easter basket.
But I wanted to do something for our little guy.
It looks like he was pretty excited about it too!
Ori (Calla’s big brother) and Levi matched at church.
We thought they needed their picture together.
Levi wasn’t so sure…
Of course we had to have a cousin picture.
And a family picture.
Mr. Levi loves his daddy.
He was pretty handsome in his little Easter outfit.
And look at those cheeks.
Just like his big sister.
It was a good day.
We loved celebrating with our little man.
And we rejoice that HE LIVES!
We cling to this HOPE as we miss Cora on these days.
Not just on Easter, but everyday.
And in case you are wondering, Levi’s outfit is from…
shirt…baby gap
pants…old navy
shoes…target
And he looked just as cute as all the little girls! 
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  • Joyce - He is just precious!ReplyCancel

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  • Birdie - How precious. Thanks for sharing the little fella with us! I’ve been following for a while, and pray for you. You are precious, Jess.ReplyCancel

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  • Jennifer - ADORABLE!!! We continue to pray for ya’ll!ReplyCancel

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  • Melissa Abby - Levi is adorable, I love little boy Easter outfits!ReplyCancel

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  • Anonymous - He is too cute! Those cheeks look absolutely kissable! His outfit is just perfect and he is so smiley. I love seeing his pictures and how much he looks like sweet Cora. Praying for you in FLA 🙂
    Take care Jess!

    Krista (aka babykatesmom)ReplyCancel

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  • Wendy - How do you not just nibble on those cute little baby rolls all day long? He’s adorable!ReplyCancel

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  • Tricia - It looks like you all had a blessed Easter, indeed. Levi is so handsome (and squishable ;)! I loved the photos. Love the sock monkey.
    Happy Spring to you all.

    With love and prayers,
    XO*TriciaReplyCancel

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  • jen christians - GREAT pictures.. Mr. Levi is certainly handsome. I love the picture with his sock monkey…
    BTW you are looking absolutely fabulous! That whole “just having baby” thing really works for you!ReplyCancel

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  • Momma H - Levi is extremely cute and looks so cuddly! Glad you all had a fun Easter. It is good to hear that you are slowly healing in your hearts. Still praying comfort and strength for you and Joel.ReplyCancel

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  • leel - gorgeous! i can see joel in that little face. little levi is looking a lot like hs sister, isn’t he?! and that picture of he & joel might be my fave.

    smiles 🙂ReplyCancel

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  • Lindsay - He is absolutely too cute! I love his Easter outfit! And yes, little boy outfits can be just as cute as little girls’!ReplyCancel

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  • L ~ S - Of course he needed a sock monkey! I love those things! He is certainly adorable!ReplyCancel

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  • Chris - I think that he is the most adorable baby boy 🙂ReplyCancel

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  • The Moffats - Oh my stinkin’ cuteness! He has changed soooo much already!..and that SMILE!!!Love all the pictures. Sooooo adorable. Hunter would have matched perfectly!ReplyCancel

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  • Karina - What a cutie. It is lovely to see you in a family portrait once more.ReplyCancel

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  • Shannon - Oh. My. Goodness! He is so stinking cute in picture of him with the Easter basket! That smile just melts me!ReplyCancel

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  • anne - SOOOO cute!!!! Love to all of you!ReplyCancel

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  • Jen - WOW! I cannot believe how much he looks like Cora. So precious. I love his outfit, and you’re right. He looks just as cute as the little girls, if not cuter 🙂ReplyCancel

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  • Dear Abbi - What a cutie!! I LOVE his chubby cheeks!! You all look beautiful on Easter!ReplyCancel

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  • Anonymous - Just so you know – those little boys don’t let you dress them that “cute” for ever SO . . . keep it up while you can!!ReplyCancel

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  • Beki - TheRustedChain - What a little doll baby!

    He does look a lot like Cora.

    Boys can definitely be fun to dress, but it’s a bit more work finding the adorable clothes than it is for girls. But it can be done!ReplyCancel

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  • BriBedell - So handsome! I have two girls..so no blue patchwork for me..maybe someday I will be lucky enough to get a little man in my life!ReplyCancel

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  • Amber - Levi is absolutely adorable! Does his little smile not just melt your heart completely? He is so precious that I just want to reach through the screen and give him a big squeeze.ReplyCancel

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  • Julia - I very rarely comment on blogs, but your son is so insanely handsome / cute / huggable that I had to say something. I had a girl first, too, and it took a while to get used to little boy clothes. Now I love how my guy looks like a “little man” in them. Bring on more pictures of your son – they never get old! Glad you had a wonderful first Easter with Levi…continued thoughts and prayers for your family.ReplyCancel

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  • Kylee - what a handsome boy! So glad you had a good Easter with your little man. Your family has been on my mind a lot lately. I hope you have a wonderful week and are able to rest in the Lord as He lifts you up and strengthens you with His mighty power!

    ~KyleeReplyCancel

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  • Honey - He is so darling! I love those pants he is sporting. 🙂 So sweet! The sock monkey is cute as well.ReplyCancel

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  • Lindsley - Levi is a beautiful little baby! Bless your family for your continued courage.ReplyCancel

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  • Marla Taviano - He is so stinking gorgeous. Wow, he looks like Cora.

    And I LOVE that sock monkey. I love, love, love BLUE.

    Praying for you guys!!ReplyCancel

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  • The Mershawn's - He is SO cute! Our little man wore those same shoes on Easter…got lots of compliments:).
    Haven’t known what to say to you guys lately…still praying though. Keep His love close to your heart & keep up with the hope you have. It’ll never replace her, I know, but at least you’re trusting in the One who has her.ReplyCancel

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  • Trish - so adorable!ReplyCancel

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  • merlin - The cousin picture, it goes without saying; Cora’s absence will be forever felt and seen. I don’t know why some are called to live a life so filled with bitter sweet. I pray that the sweet is what begins, ends and fills your days, knowing bitter threads its way through it all. A thousand unanswered questions, mostly why?ReplyCancel

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  • Monica - Dear Jess!

    I hope you have lots of wall space and plenty of shelves to display all the adorable pictures of your children! They are to cute for words! Every time I look at the pictures of your children, I think that’s a framer, that’s a framer and that’s a framer! I would be out of space in no time if I were you!ReplyCancel

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  • KK - What a handsome little man. He’ll be breaking hearts before you know it! Love the picture with the Sock Monkey. What a smile!ReplyCancel

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  • Heather | Cookie Mondays - ahhhh! so big already!
    i’m learning how to get excited about boy clothes, too. (chayse was already a few months when we met, so i’ve never done it “from scratch”)
    love the family shot!ReplyCancel

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  • Andrea - So adorable (Levi, I mean…though the cock monkey is cute too 😉 )ReplyCancel

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  • Annie - Oh how handsome Levi is! God is so good. I know how much you must love seeing Cora in him. He looks so much like her pictures!ReplyCancel

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  • Katie - LOVE the family picture! levi is getting so big!ReplyCancel

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  • Toni :O) - Oh golly, could he possibly be ANY cuter! Wowwie wow wow…he is adorable and I loved his smile and adore his cheeks!ReplyCancel

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  • Sarah - He is so handsome! I enjoyed all these pictures. He does look so much like Cora. Beautiful. Just beautiful. Tears came to my eyes.ReplyCancel

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  • Christina - Levi is one handsome boy! He looks so big, as big as Ori in that one picture! The cheeks are absolutely the best.
    I love that picture with the basket, in the chair. He does look so excited. And the one with Joel is adorable. And the family one is wonderful! Okay, all of them are!ReplyCancel

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  • Anonymous - Levi is adorable! Love Love the pictures and the updates 🙂

    KimReplyCancel

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  • Gail - All I know is…you guys make super cute babies! Levi is adorable! Love to your family–GailReplyCancel

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  • Gail - All I know is…you guys make super cute babies! Levi is adorable! Love to your family–GailReplyCancel

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  • Diana - A handsome dude, for sure! LOVE those plaid pants, mmmmmm-hmmm! And those eyes, so blue and happy! {hugz} to your beautiful family! So good to see smiles! 😀ReplyCancel

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  • sassy - whoo hooo LL (lil’levi)!
    why do dad’s always get the best smiles in photos…wait aminute, it’s because MOM is taking the photo!ReplyCancel

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  • Kalyn - I think the third one for the bottom needs to be on your side bar. It is so stinkin cute!ReplyCancel

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  • Jane In The Jungle - He’s adorable!!! Boys and dads…they just get that glow, LOL!! Boy clothes…I’ve spent years out fitting mine, I understand!ReplyCancel

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  • The Gunter Family - Levi is so precious! He’s just adorable!
    I have an 18 month old boy and I always complain about the selection of boy clothes. And although cute boy clothes are harder to find, once you find them, they are just as cute as little girls! 🙂ReplyCancel

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  • Jennifer - He is getting so big 🙂
    And where is the sock monkey from?ReplyCancel

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  • meg duerksen - i could kiss those cheeks ALL DAY LONG!!!ReplyCancel

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  • laney - precious precious pictures of a precious family…yes indeed… He lives…and cora does too because of Him…blessings and prayers…ReplyCancel

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  • Lauren Kelly - Beautiful pictures!!!!!!!!! 🙂ReplyCancel

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  • Sue - Glad to see that you managed to enjoy your Easter this year. It must’ve been tough. Levi is gorgeous, such a perfect combination of both you and Joel.

    Sue xReplyCancel

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  • Whimsical Creations - Just so precious!!ReplyCancel

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  • Cate O'Malley - Love the blue sock monkey – too cute – and those pinchable cheeks!ReplyCancel

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  • Nancy - What a little stud muffin! He couldn’t be any cuter!ReplyCancel

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I hate being in the spotlight. I’d much rather stay “behind the scenes”. I was one of those little girls at my piano recitals whose hands were shaking so much, it was hard to get through the song. I still have dreadful memories of my college speech class too. I was SO nervous. It was a small class…I don’t really know why it was that bad. But every time I gave a speech you could see my notecards wiggling because of my shaking hands. And my shaky voice was awful. I was so thankful when I passed that class. And I remember telling myself that if I got through that class I would never have to speak publicly again. After all, it was NOT something I was gifted at. If only things always went according to our plans, right?

Well, this week I had the opportunity to share my story…
FOR REAL.

I was really tempted to tell my friend that I wouldn’t do it. Remember, public speaking is NOT my thing. But Joel told me I really should say yes. And as I prayed about it, I thought how ridiculous it would be for me to pass up an opportunity to openly share to lots of people the things that God is doing in my life. God can work even through my shaky voice.

So, I said yes.

I have been preparing for weeks. And I was surprised by how good it was for me to put on paper some of the things God has been teaching me. It even helped me understand better what He has been teaching me. I loved reading through the verses again that spoke such truth to me during those very dark days after loosing Cora. And I was reminded once again how trustworthy God is, even when I don’t understand the things He is doing in my life.

A few of the ladies at the church prayed with me before the morning started. And SO many of my friends and family prayed for me throughout the morning. I am so thankful for that.

It is crazy for me to see myself on a stage in front of people like this. I told the ladies that before Cora died, I would have told them that there was no way that I could keep going if I lost her. And I would have laughed if they would have told me that not only would I live through it, but I would be given enough strength to stand in front of them and share about it that morning. That is the power of God being made perfect through my weaknesses!

So, I am thankful to have that behind me. And now I am just praying that God will use my words to speak His truth to someone who needed to hear it that morning.

Life is feeling a little back to normal now. Levi is having some major congestion this week. He has his first baby cold. Poor guy! So I have been giving him some extra love. But, I have lots of things to share with you including Easter pictures and the final numbers from Cora’s for Calla. Lots to come…

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  • Beki - TheRustedChain - Good for you!
    Where was it?

    Good for you for letting God use you and your words. Your story is powerful, but it wouldn’t be the story it is if you weren’t willing to share it.

    Thank you for the sweet card! Made me smile the other day.
    And by the way, Drew said something yesterday about how he misses your voice. 🙂 He’s very good at noticing little nuances about people and he could perfectly describe your voice, which I thought was so cool! You’ve left a great impression on him.

    Happy Sunshiney day to you!ReplyCancel

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  • Erica - i would have loved to hear you speak! i bet it was so much more powerful than you realize!ReplyCancel

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  • Charity - Good for you! Your story is very encouraging… That IS the power of God being made perfect through your weaknesses! You are very inspiring Jess…
    Overcoming your fears is one of the best things you can ever do. Good job girl! 🙂
    Hugs!
    ChareReplyCancel

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  • The Fishers - You are an inspiration Jess and a reminder to all of us that Jesus will always give us the strength to go on even when we cannot imagine doing so. Thank you for sharing yourself.ReplyCancel

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  • Jen - Public Speaking does get easier, but it also helps LOADS when prayers are behind you as well as a Gracious, Caring God.ReplyCancel

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  • dg darling - Wow! I am also incredibly afraid of public speaking and even though I don’t know you in person let me just say that I am so proud of you! You have been such an inspiration to me since I “met” you through your blog and now I have one more reason to be inspired!ReplyCancel

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  • Anonymous - I HAVE NEVER MET YOU BUT I READ YOUR STORIES ALL OF THE TIME AND I DO PRAY FOR YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND.I AM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR DOING THE SPEAKING AND I HOPED IT HELPED A LITTLE. IT IS VERY GOOD THERAPY.GIVE YOUR LITTLE BABY BOY A HUG FOR ME AND TELL HIM HE HAS A VERY SPECIAL MOMMY AND DADDY!ReplyCancel

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  • Drew, Taylor, and Caroline Clayton - Great job I know you are glad its over. I wish you could put it on your blog or utube so we could all here your wonderful testimony!ReplyCancel

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  • Kristi REDISKE - Wow-I am so glad to hear that you are ok-I have been concerned about you-Praise the Lord that he gave you strength to speak and tell your story. I know what you meant about being scared in front of people-I was the same way about piano recitals-actually- I was worse-I quit piano so I wouldn’t have to do the recital-for real. I still am that way and I am a grandma now-sad but true. Thanks for sharing, can’t wait to see the Easter pics of that sweet boy and hear the total of Coras for Calla fundraiser. Praying for you all.ReplyCancel

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  • Kristi REDISKE - I have a question-just thought of it-would you speak at other churches for other ladies groups? Just wondering-we would all treat you right-:)ReplyCancel

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  • Trisha Larson - Jess-

    I have been really struggling with my decision to speak about finding Joy after Nate’s death to a women’s bible study. Your words about God being perfect in your weakness really resonated with me. That’s what God has been teaching me the past few months and I am already forgetting it.

    I am glad that you got through it. I’m sure that I will too.

    Hugs,
    TrishaReplyCancel

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  • Lauren Kelly - What an amazing opportunity!! I’m sure your story impacted each and every person in that room!! Proud of you!ReplyCancel

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  • The Farmers - God used you in that very room in the hearts of those women and he uses you daily through your life shared on this blog. I am so encouraged by your relationship with Jesus and how he speaks to you.ReplyCancel

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  • Miss G - Jess, good for you! Way to let God use you and listen to your husband’s leading. Life is so funny in how it turns out so often not like we expected. God is good all the time. Kelly

    p.s my word verification is “bleste” 🙂 Kind of like blessed. That makes me smile.ReplyCancel

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  • k and c's mom - So very proud of you. You have a great and hard earned story to tell, and I know that God filled the room with His presence as you shared. Those words will not return void without accomplishing what He sent them for. If you can post your “talk” to your blog I know that many of us would love to hear it.ReplyCancel

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  • Ceri - Awesome, it is amazing what can be done with the power of God. Sorry Mr. Levi is sick that is NO fun. Do you have one of these? http://www.nosefrida.com/ it is GREAT!ReplyCancel

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  • Stef - Good for you! I am very proud of you and so thankful to God for giving you the strength, ability and desire to share with so many.ReplyCancel

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  • Christina - It’s wonderful that you are allowing yourself to be used by God!
    Do you like to hear stories from people who read your blog? If so, here is one. When I was in college I had to take a speech class (like, giving speeches/public speaking) and I made it through the first one (introduce a classmate or something like that). The next speech, I stood in front of the class, couldn’t think of a thing I was supposed to say, and suddenly ran out of the room. I never went back! I told the professor to fail me and I took the class the next semester. My husband thinks (now) that I should have gone back and faced the class. Maybe I could have, but it didn’t feel like it. So…good for you for facing all the things that seem impossible. God truly is the strength in our lives.ReplyCancel

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  • Anonymous - Way to go, Jess. We do overcome by the word of our testimonies and the blood of the Lamb.
    I contemplate why we are so afraid to speak in front of people. Most of the time the people are quite receptive and kind, especially church women.
    I think that you willingness to share your story will definitely strengthen and bless you. I will continue to pray that the Lord will continue to strengthen you to share.ReplyCancel

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  • merlin - Cora continues to impact lives, including her mother’s.

    Will you be able to post a video of your talk?ReplyCancel

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  • Diana - Good for you! Proud of you! Wish I could have heard you. I’m sure those in attendance were greatly blessed. How could they not be… since your blog blesses so many of US with your words and what God gives you to say!

    Can’t wait to see your Easter photos!

    {hugz}ReplyCancel

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  • lisa - I’m glad you did it and, for you, I’m glad it’s over! 🙂

    For Levi… do you have a Nosefrida? I tell people every chance I get to buy one for their kids for when they’re sick/stuffed up. It rocks & you’ll never look back.ReplyCancel

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  • Krista Hutton - Jess,

    Thank you so much FOR speaking. You did an absolutely amazing job and I can promise you that your words and your story touched many many women that day; I know you touched me. If it weren’t for the fact that you mentioned you weren’t a public speaker (nor am I, I can feel your pain here:)), I would have never known. Thanks so much for stepping out of your comfort zone and sharing your heart.

    P.S. It was nice to meet you too:)ReplyCancel

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  • All Doll(ed) Up - so proud of you Jess- God is doing amazing things through your life!ReplyCancel

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  • Doug and Brandi - Like I told you on Tuesday, you did an absolute amazing job! God is for sure teaching me so much through your life, as I know he is others as well. I’ve been thinking all week that I sure hope I didn’t freak you out when I hugged you afterward. I think I’ve had that hug waiting for you for as long as I’ve been reading your blog. Over a year I think. Thank’s again for sharing! You blessed ALL of us who attended!ReplyCancel

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  • Tamara - Way to go, I would have loved to hear you speak!

    http://www.tamara-camera.blogspot.comReplyCancel

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  • Tricia - What a blessing that you got to share your story in such a way. The Lord is sufficient and he sees us through the hardest times. I’m sure that you were amazing. Although as a member of the audience, I don’t think that I would been able to keep it together to hear you speak about Cora.

    Give Levi bunches of hugs.

    With love and prayers,
    XO*TriciaReplyCancel

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  • Cherry Tree Lane - Wow–that is so wonderful Jess.
    The Lord is using you in mighty ways.ReplyCancel

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  • Lindsey Burr - Jess! i didn’t know you were sharing until after the fact. I was working in the nursery watching kids that day. I am sure you did a great job and were a real blessing!

    LindseyReplyCancel

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  • Jess - I’ve been praying that you would share your story through public speaking. I listened to a women speak on the loss of her child at one MOPS meeting a couple years back and it has forever changed the way I look at my children. I know it’s difficult but I am glad that you did it. You just never know who needs to hear your story.ReplyCancel

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  • Bridget - Good for you! That sweet baby boy of yours is just too cute with his chubby cheeks and gorgeous eyes. Our God is an awesome God!ReplyCancel

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  • Anonymous - Jess, a friend sent me the link to hear your speech and I just want you to know that God used it in a mighty way in my own life with some struggles we are going through. It was amazing how your words fit our situation, even though it’s nothing like what you and Joel went through. God spoke through you in a powerful way and I am changed because of hearing your testimony. Maybe someday I’ll have a chance to tell you all the details–if not here on earth, then I’ll catch up with you in heaven. ; ) Just know that your words reached out and showed me God’s love and care for me in a way that I’m still in awe over. Thank you so much for being obedient to share your testimony even though I know it must have been terrifying. You did a FABULOUS job!ReplyCancel

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I wasn’t expecting Easter to be so hard this year.
We already made it through the first Easter without Cora.
Levi is here this year.
I told myself it would get better.
But I was wrong.
This week leading up to Easter has been really hard.
I am missing my little girl.

I went shopping this week to find an Easter outfit for Levi.
Mental note: 
Avoid shopping in the spring.
The little girl dresses are so stinkin’ cute.
They will make you sad.
They will make you miss Cora.
You will probably cry in the middle of the store.
And then you will have to quickly walk away
because people are staring at you.

Let’s just say that I might have picked up a pair of baby Easter shoes
that looked like some that Cora had and started crying.
I did.
Right in the middle of Target.
Joel told me that I need to stop looking.
But I can’t help it.
Why do silly things like that make me so sad?

So as I’ve been feeling a little blue this week,
I have also been thinking about how thankful I am
for what Easter really means.
Easter means that everything is different.
And it is not because of the eggs and bunnies and darling little dresses.
It is different because of what Christ has done for us.
It is different because He LIVES!

I loooove this song.
I have been listening to it over and over again this week.
Blaring it through my house.
And while I am sure that there will be some tears today,
I am thankful that He promises to one day turn
my weeping into joyful noise!

Happy Easter!

Oh, and if you are wondering…
I did find something for Levi to wear.
I promise I will refrain from putting him in a dress.
And he will still be just as cute as all the little girls!

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  • Val - You are amazing. I love how much you love the Lord. Happy Easter.ReplyCancel

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  • Kristi REDISKE - Happy Easter-I have had you on my mind all week-I know the Lord would put it there so I could pray for you. I wondered myself if it would be hard for you again-I figured it would-but this is a joyous day because the Lord has Risen-and He is good and He will supply our needs. I will keep praying for you.ReplyCancel

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  • mymessylife - As I read this I’m holding our 6 month old son while downstairs my husband and daughter were singing this exact song. Hope calls it “our jumpin song”…my heart is praying for you today over the ongoing loss of Cora and rejoicing in the sacrafice of Jesus. My mama’s heart just hurts with you and I’m so sorry for what your family has gone through! Thank you so much though for walking through it with Him and for being such an incredible testimony. Prayers for you and your family today!!!ReplyCancel

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  • Beki - TheRustedChain - I actually thought of you numerous times in the store recently when I saw all the cute little girl things.

    Cora is rejoicing in Heaven today. Maybe even wearing hot pink and green, while wearing a big bow or flower in her hair.

    God bless you Jess!ReplyCancel

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  • nate - i listened to that song this morning as i was getting ready before church! and was thinking of you guys during worship today!

    how great it truly is that the resurrection of Jesus is the first sign of God’s great reversal of the curse of sin and death forever.

    Blessed Easter to all three of you!ReplyCancel

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  • Anonymous - You bring a reality to life that is amazing. You are honest with your thoughts and feelings…this in turn makes us feel that we can be honest. Thank you for sharing your grief and your happiness with us.

    It is OK to miss Cora, especially on a day such as today. Embrace the day! Blessings to you and your family as you celebrate Levi’s first Easter!

    Prayers out to you…

    Evelyn in Newport News…ReplyCancel

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  • Anonymous - Well, I cried when I dropped my little boy off at the nursery this morning. He just cried and cried and didn’t want me to leave him. I cried too. That is embarassing. Everyone is dressed so cute dropping off their little girls in their dresses and the boys in their suits. And here we are– my son and I boo-hooing outside the nursery!ReplyCancel

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  • Brooke - I can’t imagine. I am in tears as I type this message to you. Easter is not about bunnies and dresses, but it is hard when you lost someone so dear to you. Christ is the reason and He has risen. I am praying for you as always. Happy Easter.
    BrookeReplyCancel

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  • Kim - I can just imagine how hard it has to be for you. Let yourself have your moments though, even if it is in the middle of Target. Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers. Hope little Levi is enjoying his first Easter!ReplyCancel

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  • Christina - Oh my…I hope that you know that it is okay for you to be sad. The Lord will carry you through every emotion you have, he always has his hands around you, beneath you, over you. I heard along the way that it is not that God carries us, holds us up through the difficult times. The fact is that he is carrying us all the time. I pray that when you find yourself in the valley that you will be able to look up and find Him again, and again, and again. I, too, am grateful for the hope we have in the risen Lord Jesus Christ! Blessings and comfort and peace for your family.ReplyCancel

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  • The Frisco Russells - Bless your heart I’m so sure this is another tough season but how sweet it is that Cora is celebrating this precious day with our Savior!! And thank the LORD that you have sweet Levi to celebrate wit hthis year 🙂 Great SONG too!!! I went to highschool with Shane B and he is amazing!! 🙂ReplyCancel

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  • Betsy & Kurt - I had a very similar moment while shopping at the mall the other day… spring and summer little girl clothes are SO cute, I used to look every year even before I had a daughter. I do it almost automatically and it’s so painful.

    I hope you have a wonderful Easter Sunday. 🙂ReplyCancel

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  • meg duerksen - love that song.
    i wish i could picked up levi today and given him squishy neck kisses. he was too adorable.

    our feelings catch us off guard…even in target.ReplyCancel

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  • Lauren Thomas - One of the great things about Easter is that because Jesus rose from the grave, it’s a promise that you WILL see your Cora again one day!ReplyCancel

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  • Stephanie - This is my first Easter without my little girl, Ella. I did exactly the same thing as you. I had a complete breakdown in the middle of the Easter aisle at Target yesterday. I saw the cutest pink basket that I know Ella would’ve loved. And she is not here for me to be able to buy it for her. I have a son too and I love him to pieces. But I can’t paint his fingernails, buy him sweet dresses or do the things that loved to do with Ella. You are not alone in your feelings, I am there too. But we both so lucky to have amazing friends, family and God to look to. But its still so difficult. I will be thinking of you and praying for you today. I’d like to think that Cora and Ella are having the best celebration today, together with Jesus.ReplyCancel

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  • merlin - Grief has no ending, it is a journey, much like a river carving its way, sometimes with sharp edges, sometimes smooth, sometimes if flows quiet and calm and other times it rages and bubbles maybe even surging over the protective banks and a river is unpredictable even with a long history.

    You, so love your Cora, she is your precious daughter and your tears are your testimony of your deep love for her, be grateful for each tear that falls. I suffered a loss nearly 20 years ago and still spontaneously the tears will come and I rejoice that the love is still there, not forgotten, but treasured.

    Happy Easter, may the promise of this season bring comfort.ReplyCancel

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  • twolittletots - Happy Easter! I hope you had a great day and enjoyed little Levi!ReplyCancel

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  • Anonymous - Ah Momma my heart aches for you. and you do continue to inspire me so with your faith!
    Maybe we could see a picture of little Levi in his outfit 🙂ReplyCancel

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  • mary - Need a pic of Levi’s outfit!!! 🙂 Praying for you!ReplyCancel

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  • Allen and Debby Graber - Levi was adorable this morning – just as cute as the girls!!! He is just so huggable!

    I broke down in Dillons this week. Ran into Caryn H. and she asked how I was doing and that did it. The bakery people were staring. And people coming into the store. Oh well. Grief happens at the oddest times.ReplyCancel

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  • Heather - Jess,

    I was thinking of you today and thought I would just read your blog real quick to see if you posted anything about this day. I am so sorry! Praying for you tonight.

    Love love
    HeatherReplyCancel

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  • audrey enloe - Praying for you! I love Shane and Shane! They are on staff at my church and we get to hear them every week when they are not on tour! Very nice guys and lovely voices!ReplyCancel

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  • Melissa Joy - Thank you for your beautiful honesty. And for always proclaiming the Gospel with your words *and* with your life.
    My hubby and I were both in tears this morning at church, bittersweet tears of grief & thankfulness. Confident that the meaning of Resurrection Day is sooooo beautiful, especially for those of us who have children in heaven.
    I have five children dancing with Cora, and I admit that I did weep in the car on the way home from church because of the [silly reason] pretty dresses, hats, gloves, purses, & curls that adorned the girls at church today.
    But I will say that my son was as handsome as handsome could be, right down to his socks. 🙂
    I am continuing to pray for you.
    The Lord is risen, indeed!
    He has conquered death!!
    Praise the Lord!!
    (tears…..)ReplyCancel

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  • Anonymous - I had never thought about it before, but it just popped out at me when I read “He LIVES” in this post of yours — I LOVE that an anagram of “Levi” is “Live.” How perfect.

    Happy Easter!
    ErinReplyCancel

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  • beyond this moment - I found that having a new baby sometimes makes things hurt more for a while… because you know you’re going to experience things with this child that you are missing out on with the child you lost.

    I’m very sorry it’s so hard for you right now. It will get better.ReplyCancel

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  • Wolfpacker's Angel - After my daughter passed away, I still went to baby section and looked at all the little girl clothes and cried and cried. Praying for you.
    ShannonReplyCancel

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  • Heather at All A Flutter - I think that for those of us that have lost a child, Easter takes on a whole new feeling. It was always an amazing day, but now it’s something special in a whole new way. Know that you’re not alone with experiencing days being harder then you expected, or crying in the middle of Target for that matter. Blessings to you!ReplyCancel

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  • Melody - What an awesome song! I was so touched by your words and brokenhearted for you, that I was going to even click on the video. Though I’ve heard different people say how much they love Shane & Shane, I admit I really have no clue who they are. 😉 But I did click and I loved it. I was just laughing and in tears of joy as their song escalated into true worship and happiness as they sang of their Savior. So beautiful.ReplyCancel

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  • debi9kids - I am so sorry that little things like that get you. and the big things too 🙁
    a friend of mine lost her daughter right around the time you lost Cora, and sadly, she goes through all of the same things you are.
    It’s good to find comfort in the Lord. And good to find comfort in family or friends or writing, or whatever else might bring you peace that passes understanding.

    Blessings to your family.ReplyCancel

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  • Jenifer's Journey - My heart aches for you ….Your in my preys …Thanks for sharing this amazing song know every time I hear this song I will think of you and CoraReplyCancel

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  • L ~ S - It is not silly that you started crying! I started crying in church on Saturday, because I saw a daughter hug her mom and I miss am missing my mom…unfortunatly, I could not leave, so I had to try to clean up the tears as gracefully as possible.ReplyCancel

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  • Michelle - I left a little gift for you on my blog. http://www.missingjuanito.blogspot.comReplyCancel

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  • Sharon - Jess, you have such grace even in the hardest of times. I admire you very much! We would love to see some pictures of Levi in his Easter outfit.ReplyCancel

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  • Tricia - Oh Jess, my heart aches once again for the pain that your sweet family feels on a daily basis.
    Thank you for sharing with us today. May God continue to bless and keep you.

    With love and prayers,
    XO*TriciaReplyCancel

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  • Alli Unruh - It was good to run into you at Grace. I am continuing to pray for you and Joel. Levi looked so adorable, and you are a great mom. Thank for your honesty and for sharing your heart.ReplyCancel

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  • Lisa - Praying for you today. May the Lord give you a peace and joy today that is unexplainable. You’re in my thoughts.ReplyCancel

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  • Lauren Kelly - Your strength amazes me and just wanted you to know that today!!ReplyCancel

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  • The Schilling's from Cimarron - Jess,

    Ahhh sweetheart I teared up when I read this blog. My heart aches for you still! And yet you still are so strong and finding hope in all of God’s great glory, we continue to learn from your strength and faith more than you know. We miss you all so much, and of course thought of you this year too and remembered last year at that time we were together. Give Levi a big hug for me! love to you ALL! praying for smiles and peace in your hearts!

    love you,

    AmieReplyCancel

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  • Bec - My uncle passed away last summer and at his memorial benefit, they sold pink shirts that said, “Real Men Wear Pink,” because that was his favorite color to wear. We even had him buried in his pink polo and work overalls. Anyways, I about lost it at Target the other day when I was shopping and a little boy turned to his mom and said, “You know, real men wear pink!” I wanted to turn to him and say, “Darn right they do!” but I figured since I was tearing up it would just freak him out.ReplyCancel

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No time to blog today.
Soon I will get back to posting more often…
I promise.
But today I am soaking up some sunshine.
And enjoying my little sunshine, Levi.

Image from The Wheatfield

I am loving this print from The Wheatfield.
I think I might need it in my house somewhere.
A little sunshine on one of my walls.

Oh, and besides enjoying the weather,
I am still working on getting all the Cora’s orders shipped.
Half of them went out today.
I am hoping to get the other half shipped tomorrow.
I am sorry it is taking so long this time.
Thanks for being patient.

I hope you are able to enjoy a little sunshine today too!

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  • JESSICA - Keep enjoying your sunshine! All of those other things you mention can keep waiting.

    Always in our prayers,
    The Rogers Family in TexasReplyCancel

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  • Jen - enjoy that sun with your sweet little man. what a blessing 🙂ReplyCancel

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  • Tricia - The sunshine is indeed wonderful! I’m very ready for Spring.
    Love that print.

    Enjoy your little Levi and his first glimpse of sunny spring.

    With love and prayers,
    XO*TriciaReplyCancel

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  • AshleyAnn - Umm you know I love that poster and Katie Daisy! I love spending time in the sun with my sunshines even more!

    And YES you do need it in your house somewhere!ReplyCancel

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  • Miss G - What a wonderful print! Enjoy the sunshiney day! KellyReplyCancel

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  • Christina - The sunshine has been so wonderful! I’m so glad you are enjoying it. That print is darling!ReplyCancel

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  • thelumberjackswife - Yes! Take time to enjoy the sunshine!
    First time here by recommendation of Christina!
    Nice to “meet” you!ReplyCancel

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  • ems - Love that print! I just might have to get it and put it in the kids room or my craft room. That’s the song I’ve always sung to them as babies:)ReplyCancel

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  • monkeetrouble7 - I heard about your blog through Marriage Confessions and I am so moved by your story. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your new little guy is so cute!

    http://www.monkeetrouble7.wordpress.comReplyCancel

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  • Stacie - Thanks for sharing “The Wheatfield” with us. I love those prints and now I think I need a few of them on my walls, too. 🙂 I never seem to make it to Cora’s shop in time to order anything. But I’m hopeful some day to make it.ReplyCancel

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  • Beki - TheRustedChain - Drew’s nickname has been Sunshine since he was born. 🙂 He has sunshine posters, sunshine books, it’s his favorite song.

    Enjoy this sunshine and sweet Levi!ReplyCancel

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  • Sara - my dose of sunshine came in the mail. and I literally cried when I took out the skirt for my daughter. it’s simply darling…I am honored to have her wear it (I even made it my Fingerprint Friday!)
    Thanks for all you do 🙂ReplyCancel

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Just a few things I have been thinking about this week…

Someone asked me to share my story. To share what God has been teaching me over the last year. Wow. Where do I start? God has been teaching me so many life-changing things. But, what are the BIG things that I keep going back to since loosing Cora?

I was talking to a friend about all of this. Trying to collect my thoughts. I wanted to share my story in a way that was meaningful and purposeful, but how do I do that? My friend reminded me of something that is so true. Something that I think I often loose sight of. My story is not powerful. It is a tool that can be used to share truth; a tool that can be used to share God’s indescribable hope and grace. But in and of itself it is not life-changing. What is powerful is God’s truth. I feel so relieved when I think of sharing my story in that perspective. That is very freeing to me. All I have to do is be faithful to share. God will do the rest. He is the one who is life-changing.

Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you 
to give the reason for the HOPE that you have.
1 Peter 3:15

I have been pretty emotional this week, just thinking through loosing Cora and how far God has brought me to where I am now. I haven’t felt much like writing on my blog. I have just been thinking and reading and praying. A lot. But it has been so good for me to look back on God’s faithfulness over the past year. It has been good for me to write down my thoughts. It has been good to read the Word and be reminded of some of God’s truths that carried me through this year. I hope to share more with you soon. But for right now, that is where I am at this week.

And just in case you are wondering about Mr. Levi, he is doing good. He is getting quite the personality and we are loving watching him grow. The weather around here has been crazy. Last weekend we were bundling Levi up to go out in the snow. One day this week it was beautiful and felt like spring. Now it is rainy and windy. Yuck! This girl is ready for some sunshine.
I’m sure you have figured this out, but Cora’s is sold out. I’ve received some e-mails asking where the dresses are. Everything is gone. Sorry. I am working on getting all the orders packaged up this weekend. Hopefully we will be able to re-stock soon. Thanks for keeping us so busy!
Okay, I have to go cheer on the Wildcats now. Go K-State!!
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  • Erica - i love reading your story, all the parts of it… the raw, honest truth that it isn’t always easy but God always makes a way. you are such an inspiration for me and i am thankful for your willingness to share your heart on here.ReplyCancel

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  • Trasie Bressler - Go State!!!! We are so excited in this house we can hardly stand it.

    God’s story is amazing and so are you! Many Many Blessings to you and I know that one of these times I will get a dress before my little girl is too big to wear them.

    Thanks for Sharing Gods story with all of us so often. He must be so proud of you!ReplyCancel

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  • Kathryn - I think folks love your story because of your beautiful faith, & frankly because of that faith & Levi you have a “happy ending.” That sounds cold & i don’t mean it to. You lost Cora & that is horrible, but your faith is shining & you’ve been blessed with a son.

    Some of us are not shining. I am not the beautiful example of faith that you present, & i don’t have a happy ending. God is not going to provide children in our family.

    It is wonderful to read your story & see that you continue to praise & honor God in the midst of your pain & that he has honored you in return.ReplyCancel

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  • Tricia - I’m so glad to hear that you are getting an opportunity to reflect on the past year by putting it together as a part of your family’s story. At the same time, my heart aches thinking of what this must mean for you.

    Thank you for continuing to share your heart, and for allowing the Lord’s light to shine through you.

    With love and prayers,
    XO*Tricia

    P.S. Levi is so scrumptious. 😉ReplyCancel

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  • Anonymous - You, in all of your brutal honesty, inspire me to be better, do better. Thank you for sharing your Cora, your life, your story and your Levi with us.

    KimReplyCancel

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  • Trisha Larson - So weird that I have been struggling with the same thing. I was asked to speak about how God has restored my joy after Nate’s death (2 years ago this week). It’s at a women’s bible study for my church. Part of me wants to share what God has done in my life and the other part doesn’t want to show my emotions and vulnerability to some family members and old friends that attend that bible study.

    I believe that God just wants to use me to speak to others. It’s just hard to sign up for that. To go back and remember where I was and remember how much pain I was in.

    Thank you for sharing your struggle. It helps!

    Hugs,
    TrishaReplyCancel

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  • Stef - I praise God for the blessing you guys have been in my life (even though we’ve never met) in the way that you’re living out this journey He’s laid out for you. Your openness and honest emotions are even encouraging. God has a way of showing Himself even through our trials and tears. I love Him for that, because I know we’d make a mess of it all, on our own.

    I pray for you when you come into my mind.
    I love your blog and I love that you share and have brought so much glory to God!ReplyCancel

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  • Emily - PRECIOUS picture of Levi! You should add it to your right column with the other family pictures 🙂ReplyCancel

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  • Ryan and Jessica - Although we’ve never met, I pray for you often. Your love for Christ and faithfullness through everything is a true inspiration. Levi is beautifully made and sure is handsome 🙂

    Off the subject question:
    I am wondering what kind of camera you have? It always captures the moments in such perfect detail!ReplyCancel

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  • Christina - That is a wise thing your friend told you. I remember a pastor in a sermon a long time ago said to beware of books that claim to be life-changing, etc., because, as you said, there is only one life-changer, only one who has the power. It is not within us, nor is it up to us. We cannot change ourselves by ourselves! It is a great comfort to know that it is not up to us.
    Levi is such a handsome little man.
    I hope that the sun shines soon for you. I live in Dallas, and we had a weird winter (that’s what they say, we’ve only been here a few years) and I was missing the sun, too. It makes a huge difference. More than I even realized. I’m glad your dresses sell out so quickly (although I’d love to be fast enough one day!) and you do what you need to do as far as all that goes. Blessings as you contemplate God’s love, mercy, compassion, strength, comfort this week.ReplyCancel

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  • Kristin Stegent - Thank you for sharing where you are at right now. To sit on the other side of your story and watch is devastating and beautiful all at the same time. I pray He continues to wrap you up tightly in Himself. You are beautiful.ReplyCancel

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  • carollai - thanks for sharing… i’ve been struck myself by how God’s provision is so perfect and complete. keep your eyes on Him.ReplyCancel

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  • Robin in Benton - Praying for you as you go through this process.ReplyCancel

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  • Sue - Levi is looking gorgeous; his chubby cheeks tell of a healthy, happy little boy!

    You are such an inspiration to so many, keep the faith!

    Sue XReplyCancel

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  • Public But Private - He’s so, so, so adorable!ReplyCancel

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  • Karina - Levi is so scrumptious! I also love his hat.

    I look forward to your story and am glad if your faith helps you to tell it. I respect that you and many of your readers feel that God is behind everything. However, as someone who does not believe in God myself, I also want to reassure you that your story is life changing from a purely human perspective. As a mother, your story changed me. And I am certain it has touched many others who do not necessarily share your faith either.

    That makes it even more far-reaching, it seems to me. Just a different point of view.ReplyCancel

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  • Rebecca - Your story is one that has touched me in a way that no other story has. You continue to be in my daily thoughts and prayers, and the tears often flow as my grief for you is still very heavy. But my hope in God is stronger.

    I look forward to hearing more about the power of God’s truth in your life and how He has remained faithful to you.

    Love and Hugs to you, Joel, Levi and your families.ReplyCancel

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  • The Moffats - Hope you enjoyed the sunshine!! Sending love and hugs today…ReplyCancel

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  • The Redhead Riter - awwwwww so cute!ReplyCancel

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